Delayed everything and inability to function. things will resume by the end of this week

UPDATED: (sorry didn't realize i left my notes out)
Since this week's post were a bit scrambled due to the technical issue this week is going to be what I can get out. Actually they were a bit goofed since last week. That is ok though.
Having a tough time this week and doing what I can to get through it. The things bothering me the most are that my Cat, Fluffy is having a rough time. She doesn't want to do anything beyond sitting in the windowsills around the house, become tired and fall off. She eats sporadically and at least comes down to use her litter box or fall off. I got her a move-able cat shelf that she can sit on and it supports her no problem. She has an allergy to fleas and will scratch until her fur is gone and scabs form. Have given her a bath that has lavender in the soap so she can feel better and put neosporin on her scabs so they will heal and not dry out. (Dry scabs even though a sign of healing tend to make the itching worse.)
She is a small cat, almost 5 years old now yet forever stuck in the in between kitten and teen cat phase so she looks like a big kitten. That worries me as she won't let me help her. I am trying to make payments to her vet so I can return soon to have this dealt with.
I knew she was a special kitty when I adopted her, that was WHY I adopted her...not able to foresee in the future I would be where I am financially.

Thus why I am pushing my crafts in an attempt to raise monies.
The other problem is my depression. Before you scoff and brush it off understand this. I have ALWAYS had depression for as long as I can recall. Some days are great fine and wonderful. Some days its a battle to get out of bed. Everyone deals with things -emotions, situations, interactions etc - differently. I deal with it differently, or at worst I don't deal with it and let it eat me alive. There has been many a time where nothing got done, the house remained a mess the dishes and laundry remained undone and the pile just grew and the most I did was to entertain and raise my daughter while holing up in my house.

At times I feel things have been taken from me, the things I depend upon to cope...being able to go outside for a walk. Can't do that, the neighborhood has gone down, I cannot just drive to somewhere else. I will not step outside without someone else besides Lisa. I didn't used to be this way, I used to be able to go out alone or with Lisa and deal with what happened....not anymore.
My husband's schedule is a night shift so at best I either get a morning walk or errand running or not at all.
Since Lisa was born I have slowly just taken emotional steps backwards and shut the proverbial windows and doors to the house and locked out everyone.

I'm 32 years old. from all the crud and crap and horror and hateful things I have seen and had done to me, its a wonder I am still here. I thank God for that every day in one form or anther. I know with each year I will further emotionally and mentally deteriorate and how I find ways to keep going on beyond my wonderful husband and loving daughter I am not sure. I know for sure my friends help me as well as my family....yet somehow there are days my mind tricks me into believing they are not friend or family and are only doing this to just drag out some elaborate plan to hurt me....it is not true.

So, in the attempt to keep going I began this blog to share what I know while I can share and communicate. So...as always I do appreciate those who continue to read. I do not hate or dislike you should you chose to stop reading as this is not a pity plea or for attention yet to inform in my own discombobulated way that as cheerful or geek or (insert word of choice) as I may seem, I still hide that I am depressed. A chemical imbalance perhaps?
And yes for many a year I have gone to doctors for help growing up before I finally told one doctor. I am depressed, I cannot self manage anymore and am aware medication does not fix things, it helps keep me sane enough to be ABLE to deal with the cause. For now and long term I would like to find this medication to help me so that I CAN solve the cause of this. That doctor helped me....and then the move to dallas began and I was cut off because we could no longer afford it.

Long story short, we returned and it has been making due with what we have until I can return to said doctor and begin again. Silly me trying to go through the correct proper channels, even asking does anyone know where I can get help? Silly me, applying for disability to begin the long arduous process for that only to finally have someone tell me hey there are these places didn't you know? I felt so very dumb for not knowing even when I had asked and asked and asked and shown proof that I do need this assistance only to not be told anything.

Its very difficult to convey whats wrong when one is already severely introverted that almost borders on the autism scale. No, I am not autistic in any way nor do I DARE put them down or make fun of them. For me there are days I wonder am i just so introverted I may as well  be? Its very difficult to talk to people I am not comfortable with or don't know or rather I can't look them in the eye. I USED to be able to fake it and force politeness, now its a great pain emotionally to do so.

I feel broken and wrong most days and do what I can to keep to my daily to weekly schedule as I go along....as of late it fails and I feel more useless.
So now I focus on my crafts and just getting Lisa to smile.

Again this is not a plea for help/pity/attention, just a rambling mess of an attempt to inform my readers. So if I lose readers over this, well....cruel as it may sound, shame on you. Walk in someone else's shoes with a mental disease and then come tell me you still don't believe me. that is your choice. Just understand that most of this is how I am, and what I have a hard time saying face to face is often better said or typed out.

So yes, I have been putting together cheerful posts, those are mostly on days where I have the positive flow behind it. So as strange and abrupt as this post is, its also part of who I am.
I live for the geek things that make me smile, I live for my daughter and do what I can as a wife to get through each day.